When I was a kid, there used to be a vacant lot beside my house. It wasn’t too big, you could easily run from one side to the other and still have lots of energy to do it again, but to my young mind, it was an enormous treasure chest of endless games and stories coming to life.
At the front, there was a trail of rocks we could hop onto, and small weeds and bunches of flowers were scattered around in the dirt. At the back, you could carefully waddle down a small but steep slope, which connected to the backyards of the houses across from mine in our little cul-de-sac. My best friend Tory creatively named the empty land The Unknown and the space that connected everyone’s backyards was The First Known.
We spent our after-school playtime running around The Unknown, making up all kinds of stories as we jumped from rock to rock and ruined our shoes jumping in mud puddles. We could be wild explorers searching for some kind of magical treasure, or princesses lost in a deserted land. Other times we would play with ladybugs and aphids, or collect dandelions that may or may not have been dried rabbit poop on more than one occasion. Once we got bored with that, we’d prepare to embark on an exciting journey into The First Known.
The First Known consisted of a slim path with a fence to one side and a wall of rocks to the other. Our only options were to either follow that path or climb up the rocks, which was something we never got bored of. We didn’t quite seem to understand or really care about the fact that climbing up those rocks would allow us to enter any of my neighbours’ backyards whenever we wanted to. We never got caught, if that means anything.
Day after day we would come back to visit our “private” paradise, each day carrying a new adventure that could develop in any way we wanted it to. Sometimes we would just sit on the wall of rocks and simply talk about all the problems an elementary school student could have, and other times we would sit in silence and stare at all the tiny houses off in the distance.
But one day we eventually let our imaginations run a little too wild. It was business as usual in The First Known, casually entering private property and making up all kinds of stories, when we both had this feeling like we were being watched, even though no one else was even there. That was more than enough to spook us into climbing out of there as fast as possible and sprinting back to my house like our lives depended on it. And that was it. We never went back.
So fast was our dreamland forgotten, like we hadn’t spent months goofing around like it was our personal playground. And now, no matter how much either one of us wishes to return to those days of carefree story making, we can’t. That vacant lot became the location for a brand new house and our after-school playtime was reduced to memories and conversations of “remember when”.
Lopez, Xaviera. “Inspired Animation GIF By Xavieralopez – Find & Share On GIPHY”. GIPHY, 2017, https://giphy.com/gifs/animation-art-loop-3o6fJ38fowW7tmyJ3y. Accessed 8 Apr 2018.
Dear Kayla,
I loved reading this piece of writing, it was really fun and with each ending of a paragraph, it left me excited to read the rest. The way you started was a really good hook and like i said the end of the paragraphs were good cliffhangers. Also the ending of your piece in general was really nice because it shows how much those moments meant to you and your friend if you guys are still bringing it up.
The context of your anecdote was really well put together and I love how you said it felt like someone was watching you and your friend so you guys never went back, I felt like i could relate to that because when I’m doing something, not necessarily bad, and I feel like I’m being watched, I don’t feel comfortable doing it anymore even if I needed to. It sometimes is just our imagination or thoughts that take us to believe things that aren’t real.
I don’t have any specific areas where you could improve because you executed this really well, your paragraphs were not too long, your thoughts were organized and in chronological order.
Sincerely, Sarah Omar
Sarah,
Thanks so much for reading, I’m glad you were able to relate to it!
-Kayla
Dearest Kayla,
This piece is the definition of nostalgia. When I was a kid, I did very similar activities and loved to play imagination with my friends and even learned to entertain myself with my own neighborhood adventures. I loved how you described the environment around you and the imagery you created was incredibly vivid.
To improve, I would have loved to see some dialogue in your piece and incorporated more of the senses. You had amazing visual energy but I was just missing the smell, hear, touch, and taste. Also, I wished that your piece was a little longer because I loved reading it so much. I think you could fit in another paragraph or so between the last two paragraphs to lengthen it, but to also add some more depth and transition in your piece. (Hopefully that made sense, haha.)
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your anecdote and I really love having you in class. You’ve always been a person I’ve admired because you seem to have such sweet and calm energy. We should definitely talk more!!
Love,
Liza
Liza,
Thanks for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I tend to forget about the other senses when in my writing so I’ll definitely be working on that more as well as adding dialogue.
-Kayla