Take a deep breath,
until you feel your lungs ache,
until you hurt more than you already do.
Slowly let it out,
until you feel like you can’t give any more.
It’s okay if you run out,
no one will judge you.
It’s okay to make mistakes,
everyone does.
It’s okay if you feel like giving up,
even if no one else does.
But those words of comfort aren’t always real.
Your breath, your voice,
let me feel them again.
Your sighs may seem heavy, your breath wasted,
but I know you, I know your truth.
So come back to me.
It’s okay if you run out,
I won’t judge you.
It’s okay to make mistakes,
I do too.
It’s okay if you feel like giving up,
I understand you,
You’ve done enough, so keep breathing.
YG Entertainment (2016). LEE HI – “한숨 (BREATHE)” M/V. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iSlfF8TQ9k [Accessed 25 Feb. 2018].
Lyrics – https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/03/lee-hi-ihai-breathe-hansum
For my February free choice, I decided to do an emulation of one of my favourite songs, Breathe by Lee Hi. I wrote this poem for myself with words I think I really need to start believing and understanding. I tend to worry and stress about everything and I don’t exactly have the highest confidence, so I think that before I accept the comfort and love from others, I need to learn to accept those things from myself. I really liked how the lyrics used breathing to represent someone’s struggles, so I attempted to do something similar while thinking of my own. I used the first line of the song for the first line of my poem and tried to present breathing as pouring out your emotions to someone. I also tried to show the importance of breathing, not just the very obvious purpose of keeping us alive but remembering to breathe and to stay grounded in difficult situations. Allowing for someone else to see your true feelings can be extremely difficult, but sometimes we just need to breathe, calm down and believe that everything will eventually be okay.
Featured image: “Black And White Smoking GIF – Find & Share On GIPHY”. Giphy, 2016, https://giphy.com/gifs/animation-black-and-white-sherlock-t10QVinDcZk4. Accessed 14 Apr 2018.
Dear Kayla,
I thought this poem was really beautiful not only because it flows so nicely but also because the message behind it was conveyed so clearly. It can be hard to get your thoughts through to people abut I think you were really good with clarity for this piece.
Next time you should put the video at the end so the reader gets to read your work before the song, also it would just look better aesthetically.
I have always loved your work especially your poetry.
Sincerely
Aliza
Dear Aliza,
Thanks for taking the time to read my work! I´m glad you enjoyed it and I´ll make sure to remember your feedback.
-Kayla
Dear Kayla,
This was a very intense but heartfelt poem and extremely well written and I could feel the passion in your words and wiring style. But a suggestion I have would be to maybe pay a little bit more attention the grammar structure in your poem sometimes it could be a bit disjointed but other than that great job.
Sincerely
Charles
Charles,
Thank you for your your compliments and feedback. I´ll be sure to edit my work more diligently in the future:)
-Kayla
P.S. I meant to say writing not wiring, sorry about that.
Kayla
You have an astonishing sense of structure and form when writing poetry, and your rhetoric is sharp. You set up a good format of set-up and execution with your literary devices, and it certainly gives your poetry a flow that makes it very enjoyable to read.
I’m glad that you challenged yourself and I sincerely hope that you continue writing poetry, because if you put your heart into it, you’ll be surprised what the mind can weave.
With all my heart,
L̸̢̧̨̡̡̥̥̲̼̣͈̗̯͍͇̠͍̬̖̠̥͓̤̫̝̳̻̻̥͙͓̯̥̮̞̝̦͈̹̻̟͔̙͙͔̊͆̑̀̈̃̏̉̏͌̀̊͒̃̆̈́̇̉́̊̈́̔̅͊̎̌͒͌̑͛͒́̔́͛̊̏̐͋͒͂͂̓͌͂͗̈́͑̑̐͒̐̏̈̏͑͛̽̾́̎͗̈́̎͐͒͌́͘̕͘͘͜͜͜͠͝͠͠͠ͅͅį̷̜̞͍̲͚̱͎̮̟̗̤̼̣̬͕̱̙͎̟̭͍͚̖̰̜͙̹̞̳̩͂ȃ̵̧̛̮͎̲͎͕̯̫̹̩͖̖̤̱̙̰̝̙͚̞͖͉̱̞͙̱̩̹̖̦̳̱̺̹͇̗̩̻͉͈̭̫̲̲̘̟̬̲̰̱̭̘̭͇͍̟̤̬̬̬̽̌̓̊̃̔̅̄̏͐̿̄̃͗͘̕̕͜͝ͅm̵̡̨̨̛͈͔͚̝̲͖̰͕͔͔̯̦̳̪̭̞͖̪̤̘̗̳̻̟̰̦͍̲͖͔̪͚̬̝͉̞̭̻̘̼̺͎̜̜͈̭̜͍̻̙̩͔͙̱̪̹̝̤̫̩͊̑́͐́̔̌̎́̽͛͐̎̉̇͆͌̃̇͊̇̆̀̂̔͋̓͆̃͘͘͘͠ͅͅ
Liam,
Thank you so much for your kind words, it makes me happy to see that you´ve enjoyed my writing! I will definitely continue to work on my poetry and improve it more.
-Kayla
Dear Kayla,
This is yet another one of your your very beautiful pieces that you’ve written. I thought that this was a very creative idea to approach a free write, as it seems very genuine and reflects on the fact that you’ve taken your time to polish this piece. You managed to get your point across in a very clear manner and I think that’s partly because of your word choice.
As for improvement, I would like to suggest that you try using different coloured fonts as it would enhance the appearance of your post. It would also help us, the readers, understand your shifts and transitions of style and your voice better.
Again, I have always admired your work, especially your poetic pieces as you use very clear words to portray the meaning behind these pieces.
Love,
Zohra.
Dear Zohra,
Thank you for reading my poem and I´m really glad that you enjoyed it and could see how hard I worked on it. I will keep your feedback in mind and I also am looking forward to your future work!
Love,
Kayla